Ya-ching was a 28-year-old woman from Taiwan who lived on her own in London. She was hitting the sixth year of her career in one of the most prestigious banks. Last Monday, she celebrated a promotion to Branch Assistant Manager. I was amazed by her achievement and the confidence she radiated when she spoke. She was unfettered to recount how infuriated she was when a senior manager was sexting her with photos of her ankles, bottoms, and back. She tried to endure all the innuendo jokes and the toxic masculinity environment by herself, but this nonsense showed no sign of fading.
source: Gingle Wang in the Taiwanese TV show - Wave Makers (Netflix, 2023)
Internalisation kicks in...
At work, there was no one she could turn to. She had heard how unprofessional the Sexual Harassment Support Hotline was at work, they tended to go through a box-ticking exercise of demographic, departmental, and incident details. They would encourage you *not* to bring it to the police because it will be a secondary traumatising experience and you simply do not have enough evidence to file a charge. The support they offered was to ditch out a list of organisation hotlines that may support you.
In life, Ya-ching didn’t want to worry her friends or family, because she thought her experience was nothing compared to what the #MeToo or #RevengePorn victims had gone through. She started to internalise these abusive encounters and fire a series of doubts, “I should have said no that day. I should have walked off. I should not have applied to work on that team. Maybe it's not such a big deal...” These lasted for months until they reached the point where part of Ya-ching couldn’t help but say to herself “This is enough. Enough of this rationalisation for the things that were not even my fault”.
What kind of support will you need to tackle internalisation?
In the drama, it demonstrated rightfully that these 3 actions will help,
1) Acknowledge calmly your internalisation and process the harm those incidents have done to you, “Yes, you might have made a mistake at work, but that doesn’t mean anyone can sexually abuse you. Also, he has wronged you too”.
2) It is important to validate your experience and feelings, “The pain you have suffered all these months is real. The life you’ve lost, the trust you’ve been destroyed. These are real. No one can deny your feelings, they are yours.” This gives comfort and reassurance to everyone trauma survivor, which we often forget to share.
3) Empower yourself as a sexual abuse survivor “Ya-ching, please don’t think that you don’t deserve to fight for your right.”
Our brain is not the same as computers, we cannot erase traumatising experiences or memories, but we can prevent secondary trauma and learn to respond, overcome and interpret them differently. Life is not a linear process but you are not alone. Do get in touch with us if you or your friends are struggling to articulate any unwanted experiences. We are here for you.
Further reading:
The Right to Sex - Amia Srinivasan (published by Bloomsbury, 2021)
Theatre and TV shows for camaraderie and inspiration:
Prima Facie starring Jodie Comer (written by Suzie Miller, 2022 National Theatre)
Wave Makers starring Gingle Wang, Hsieh Ying-xuan, and Jag Huang (screened on Netflix, 2023)